Learn and Forget
by Kissman
Summary: Ziva reflects on the days events. Post Shalom. Season 4 Spoilers! OneShotish


Learn and Forget

NCIS- Ziva-centric

Summary- Ziva reflects on the days events. Post Shalom. Season 4 Spoilers! OneShot-ish

Spoilers- Season 4 Spoilers! This is your final warning. Read at your own risk.

A/N- Takes place right before Ziva returns to NCIS. The words in bold are flashbacks (lines from the episode) and italics are thoughts.

A/N- I'm sorry this idea took so long to post; I've been very busy. You must have seen Shalom to understand this story. Enjoy and please review. This is un-beta'ed and all mistakes are my own, for them I'm very sorry I do my best.

"_I've told you, I've warned you. Let the story now begin."_

* * *

"Your time with the Americans has made you soft, you should have never thrown your knife away!"

The woman's fists made contact with Zivas stomach and she fell hard. Hatred filled her as she struggled to stand.

"**I thought I said get up!"**

Ziva screwed up her eyes in pain as another blow hit. It was smooth and professional- carefully calculated to inflict as much pain as possible.

"**Get up!"**

Ziva pushed against her unwilling body to stand but it was worthless- darkness crept around the sides of vision, blacking out the world.

Ziva opened her eyes and her own room materialized before her. It had only been a dream this time. Her breathing was sharp and panicked as if it had actually been happening moments before. It was only her dreaming. Only dreaming.

_Vividly _she thought to herself, pushing up into a sitting position. _To vividly._

Her head hurt. It was still throbbing where the Iranian woman had jerked her hair. She gently pulled her thick, dark curls back into a loose braid, stray strands falling around her face. She stumbled to the bathroom, her hand reaching automatically for the dark green robe hanging by the doorway. She slipped it on over her nightgown and stepped in.

Ziva rubbed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, staring at herself in the mirror.

She touched her nose gingerly- it was bruised and likely broken. Her face was turning many wonderful colours of black, blue and purple. She stared at her reflection, still slightly unable to believe what had happened the last few days. Her mind turned everything over again and again, every detail since her world started spinning.

Ziva turned angrily away from the mirror. The movement sent sharp spikes of pain through her torso. Once again she replayed the scene in her mind.

"**Get up!"**

The woman's scornful tone resonated in her head.

" **I said get up!"**

_How did that happen? _Ziva asked herself furiously. _How did I let her hurt me?_

"Your time with the Americans has made you soft, you should have never thrown your knife away!"

_Perhaps she was right. _Ziva thought. _I made a mistake. I should be dead for a mistake like that._

_Perhaps you are growing weak? _From somewhere in the back of her mind this little thought surfaced.

_No, I'm not, _she argued back.

_Then what happened?_

She didn't know what to say to that.

She shivered; suddenly aware of how cold she was, standing barefoot on the icy tile floor. She was only dressed in a thin nightgown and short robe.

"I need a cup of coffee," Ziva spoke aloud to the empty room. She walked slowly into the kitchen, trying not to aggravate the painful bruise on her side. She started up the coffee maker and in a few minutes was sitting, warm mug in hand, on her favorite chair in the living room.

Ziva took a short sip, allowing the warmth to spread through her body. It numbed the chill, but not the days events that were still cycling through her mind.

How could I be so foolish? Ziva asked herself again, I took the bait, I followed him, and I played right into his hands. 

Another part of her argued back.

What was I suppose to do? 

The critical side of her persisted.

_You almost compromised US-Israel relations; you almost got people you care about killed. You got yourself into something you couldn't handle by yourself-_

_-I could manage, _she retorted,_ I found proof I didn't murder those people._

_You almost didn't, _she reminded herself, _you had to call Gibbs to come and save you._

Gibbs. What would she have done if he had not been there to help her? She had not known anyone else to turn to, only he could help. Not her friends at NCIS, not her father, nor any of her many contacts. She could trust no one but him.

He'd even given her a ride home after the…altercation in the hotel room. He didn't think her fit to drive. He'd offered to take her to the emergency room several times but she insisted that she was fine. It was so odd- he'd know exactly where her apartment is, and then forgotten her name the minute she stepped out of the car.

_He's not the same person._

That much was true, he was different. Ziva had a strong feeling it was Post-Concussion Syndrome, she'd seen it happen before. He certainly couldn't remember things and people the same way.

She didn't think he really remembered her killing Ari. He had a vague idea of what happened she knew- but the bond they'd made over that incident was gone. It was like betrayal, but she couldn't get angry at him for it- it was not his fault

Ziva glanced over at the clock- it was still quite early, even for her. She would be getting up for work soon, getting ready to face another day.

_And pretend like it didn't happen._

She shifted positions in the chair and another shot of pain twisted through her. She had injuries like this before- many leaving her in a worse state that this, but this one was different. The pain was worse because every time she felt it, it was a reminder of how she faltered, a reminder of her faults.

Her mind flicked back to something she learned while stationed in Paris. Learn and forget. Never dwell on something. Just learn from what you've done and never think of it again.

_And that's what I will do._

She glanced back at the clock and came a decision. Gently she slid out of the chair and walked back to bed to catch an hour's sleep before work.

Learn and forget.

* * *

Thanks for reading! I'd love it if you tell me what you think, even if only a little. It was meant to be a one shot I suppose but perhaps there might be a second one in this…it's up to you to pry it out of my with a review! Pwease? 


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